Battlecoms I - Off to Bruise Some Cattle

After action reports often revolve around some more or less elaborate tale of who killed whom and what the explodee did horribly/comically/daringly wrong to deserve his or her fate. While potentially entertaining, this format is not rarely missing out on all kinds of things going on behind the scenes.

I happen to preserve most of my com logs; voice recordings of me giving orders to my crew and them reluctantly obeying and all that good stuff. Is it good stuff, though? Only one way to find out...
The following is the unedited transcript of one of these com logs, which also marks the first installment of a series: Battlecoms.

Jaxley:	Zerrah, this is Jax, come in.
Zerrah:	Reading ya, captain. Back already?
Jaxley:	Just for swapping ships. Make the Stabber ready, I'm in warp to Hev V.
Zerrah:	Roger. What's the occassion?
Jaxley:	We're going to bruise some cattle.
Zerrah:	Bruise... cattle?
Jaxley:	You know, battlecruiser...
Zerrah:	I see. Very clever, captain.
Jaxley:	I tend to think so, yes. Anyway, There's a Myrmidon ratting in Vitrauze all on its own.
Zerrah:	"All on its own", huh? Right.
Jaxley:	Gotta be. I've checked up on the pilot; only killed one ship ever and by the looks of it by accident. Approaching docking bay.
Zerrah:	I believe it when I see it pop. Stabber's up and running. Who else will be in fleet?
Jaxley:	We're gonna be on our own.
Zerrah:	*sigh* ... Figured as much.
Jaxley:	We'll just speed out if things get too hot. Pod transfer completed.
Zerrah:	Hook him up, Jennings.
Jaxley:	Who's Jennings?
Zerrah:	New chief engineer. Barkley quit, said he couldn't handle your hull tanking ways any longer.
Jaxley:	We've been flying a Thorax, what did he expect? Oh well. Welcome aboard, Jennings. We good to go?
Jennings:	Aye captain! Uplink established! All systems operating at... !
Jaxley:	Take it easy, mate. This ain't a Federation boat. Ooh, says here you've been running from a court-martial. You loosen up a bit and before long you should feel right at home.
Jennings:	Sorry captain, old habits. Thank you. All system ready and standing by.
Jaxley:	Excellent. Initiating undock. Keep that micro warp drive heated up and the DCU running. Next stop Vitrauze.
Zerrah:	Setting course to Jovainnon gate - warp drive active.

And off we went. Tune in next sometime soon for the conclusion. Or be a total cheat and look it up on our killboard. Either way, until then.